A bully hurts. Because they hurt inside, they hurt others.
A bully’s emotions are out of control. Their emotions are a tangled web of complex emotional responses, so they seek control over others.
A bully is angry, uncontrollably so, having never resolved any of the issues at work within his/her Psyche. A bully does not understand anger, how destructive it is to self and to others. Anger consumes their emotional responses.
A bully lives in a perpetual state of anger, unknowing of any other state of being, unaware of the amazing purpose that properly channeled anger might serve.
A bully is insecure so seeks dominion over others. They do this to big-up a fragile, disintegrating ego with false bravado, false power, false control.
Within a bully is a victim. A bully is a victim.
If a bully perceives a ‘victim,’ s/he despises that victim because s/he despises that aspect of self. A bully learns to hate the weakness in self. That perceived weakness, difference, quirk, sensitivity has provoked attack, criticism or ridicule from others.
A bully has been humiliated. A bully has witnessed others being humiliated. A bully has witnessed humiliation exercised over others as a form of control. A bully has never known love. Bullying is associated often with twisted, dysfunctional love.
A bully usually self-bullies. A bully hates him/her self.
Families create bullies. Cultures and creeds create bullies. Dogma creates bullies. Fear creates bullies.
In my series, I have been trying to show how unresolved or unconscious ‘shadow’ traits are projected onto others or onto the outside world. I have tried to do this in a number of ways, as I believe ownership of personal issues is the first step towards becoming a self-transfiguring adult.
I am not making excuses for bullies. I never make excuses for those who are so self-unaware as to cause harm to others. But, bullies are created by the societies of which we are all a part. As far as I am concerned, if we, as functional adults teach our children through love, not dominion; through self-respect, not ridicule; through self-awareness and ownership of personal emotional responses, rather than through denial and defensiveness; through acknowledgement and respect of vulnerability, rather than through a false show of strength; through the recognition that we all fail and learn by our mistakes, we might, collectively, understand how to tackle bullying.
I wrote a little story about bullying. Orange Petals In A Storm is a story of hope and transformation. I wrote it to shine some psychological light on the inward causes of bullying.
When I was a little girl (a very, very long time ago), I used to love learning new, really big words like ‘discombobulate’. As I grew, my love of words grew too, until I loved them so much, I could not stop writing them down.
One day, as I was scribbling a particular word, a very peculiar thing happened. The word shouted at me, “Stop! Don’t put me there!” As you can imagine, I was shocked and nearly fell off my chair. When I recovered somewhat, I said to the word, “Could you stop shouting, please? I am not used to it.”
Can you guess what happened next? No! I thought not. The word said, “I might be small, but I will misbehave if you do not use me properly. I will not tell the story you would like me to tell. I will say something entirely different!”
I dropped my pen. I hoped that by dropping my pen, the word would stop talking. Alas! It did not. It carried on chitterchobbling, even after the ink had dried. I was in a pickle. I could not allow my words to run away with my story, now could I?
I don’t know about you, but when this sort of thing happens, there is only one thing left to do if you prefer not to spend your time arguing. “Very well,” said I. “I will do as you ask if you will just be quiet and allow me to concentrate.”
Since that day, I have been paying special attention to every word I invite into my stories. After all, a story should say exactly what it means to say and not be led astray.
With love from Dr. Niamh,
Ph.D in Learning Through The Imagination and Founder of Dr Niamh Children's Books. www.drniamhchildrensbooks.com