The First Step Towards Developing Emotional Fitness: Identify Core Issues.

Ballet In Purple by Cher Duncombe

I have already spoken about how it is never healthy to bury our feelings.  Catharsis is the choice of the self-creating person. It guarantees that basic, valuable work is done at the level at which wounding originated.

What do I mean by this?

Whenever something hurts our feelings, it causes an emotional reaction. This emotional reaction occurs spontaneously.  It is an autogenic body response and; therefore, something over which we have little control. We can ignore the emotional reaction and pretend that nothing is wrong, or we can react and deliver our response. In both of these instances, there may be adverse consequences to relationships, which might, otherwise, be avoided.

Distress is often covered over with rationalisation or denial. Do we try to make anger go away? Do we try to meditate it away, practice calmness, cover it over with transcendental elegance? These methods cannot succeed, as the energy of wounding continues to generate itself at a core level of Psyche. Unfinished business cannot be resolved by working at it from an intellectual or spiritual/wisdom level. If we hide something we chew on beneath our shiny-topped dining table, it will still be there months/years later. Though we don’t see it, it becomes putrid and rancid and creates a very bad smell.  Likewise, deep-seated, denied distress can cause distorted, dissociated responses, which taint our emotional reactions and interpretations of the behavior of others. Alternatively, instant, reactive responses are too subjective and may, in fact, be the result of personal misinterpretation or misjudgment.

When something that someone does makes us feel emotional, it is because one of our core issues has been triggered. To develop good judgement and safe boundaries, we need to learn all about personal issues. What are our core issues? When one of them has been activated, how does it affect us? Being able to answer these questions, we begin to practice ownership of our issues. We accept that we have issues, and that when triggered, our personal judgement is impaired. This helps us to stop projecting or transferring blame onto others who may, in fact, have meant no harm. Joe Blogs cannot be held responsible for the fact that we carry emotional baggage due to past wounding.

Until we stop blaming the world, healing cannot begin.

In the next blog, I will talk a bit about how to identify personal issues.

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About Dr Niamh

When I was a little girl (a very, very long time ago), I used to love learning new, really big words like ‘discombobulate’. As I grew, my love of words grew too, until I loved them so much, I could not stop writing them down. One day, as I was scribbling a particular word, a very peculiar thing happened. The word shouted at me, “Stop! Don’t put me there!” As you can imagine, I was shocked and nearly fell off my chair. When I recovered somewhat, I said to the word, “Could you stop shouting, please? I am not used to it.” Can you guess what happened next? No! I thought not. The word said, “I might be small, but I will misbehave if you do not use me properly. I will not tell the story you would like me to tell. I will say something entirely different!” I dropped my pen. I hoped that by dropping my pen, the word would stop talking. Alas! It did not. It carried on chitterchobbling, even after the ink had dried. I was in a pickle. I could not allow my words to run away with my story, now could I? I don’t know about you, but when this sort of thing happens, there is only one thing left to do if you prefer not to spend your time arguing. “Very well,” said I. “I will do as you ask if you will just be quiet and allow me to concentrate.” Since that day, I have been paying special attention to every word I invite into my stories. After all, a story should say exactly what it means to say and not be led astray. With love from Dr. Niamh, Ph.D in Learning Through The Imagination and Founder of Dr Niamh Children's Books. www.drniamh.co.uk

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