"Plum-Picking with Niamh Clune."
What makes a bully, bully?
A bully hurts. Because they hurt inside, they hurt others.
A bully’s emotions are out of control. Their emotions are a tangled web of complex emotional responses, so they seek control over others.
A bully is angry, uncontrollably so, having never resolved any of the issues at work within his/her Psyche. A bully does not understand anger, how destructive it is to self and to others. Anger consumes their emotional responses.
A bully lives in a perpetual state of anger, unknowing of any other state of being, unaware of the amazing purpose that properly channeled anger might serve.
A bully is insecure so seeks dominion over others. They do this to big-up a fragile, disintegrating ego with false bravado, false power, false control.
Within a bully is a victim. A bully is a victim.
If a bully perceives a ‘victim,’ s/he despises that victim because s/he despises that aspect of self. A bully learns to hate the weakness in self. That perceived weakness, difference, quirk, sensitivity has provoked attack, criticism or ridicule from others.
A bully has been humiliated. A bully has witnessed others being humiliated. A bully has witnessed humiliation exercised over others as a form of control. A bully has never known love. Bullying is associated often with twisted, dysfunctional love.
A bully usually self-bullies. A bully hates him/her self.
Families create bullies. Cultures and creeds create bullies. Dogma creates bullies. Fear creates bullies.
In my series, I have been trying to show how unresolved or unconscious ‘shadow’ traits are projected onto others or onto the outside world. I have tried to do this in a number of ways, as I believe ownership of personal issues is the first step towards becoming a self-transfiguring adult.
I am not making excuses for bullies. I never make excuses for those who are so self-unaware as to cause harm to others. But, bullies are created by the societies of which we are all a part. As far as I am concerned, if we, as functional adults teach our children through love, not dominion; through self-respect, not ridicule; through self-awareness and ownership of personal emotional responses, rather than through denial and defensiveness; through acknowledgement and respect of vulnerability, rather than through a false show of strength; through the recognition that we all fail and learn by our mistakes, we might, collectively, understand how to tackle bullying.
I wrote a little story about bullying. Orange Petals In A Storm is a story of hope and transformation. I wrote it to shine some psychological light on the inward causes of bullying.